Joe:
I recently purchased a full set of Callaway golf clubs and have noticed that I am hitting my irons much further than my old set of cheapies. I am hitting a 8 iron 160 and 4 iron well over 200. My old set would have taken a 5 iron and a 3 iron, to accomplish that distance. How do I make the adjustment to this added length?
Ty

Ty:
Most courses have a marker for 150 yards to the middle of the green. Callaway makes good quality clubs, so just trust your new distances. If you hit the 8-iron 160, use that club for the 150 distance because you might not hit it perfectly every time. From there, add or subtract 10 yards per club for the distance required. Also add or subtract 10 yards per club for gentle wind, more for stiffer wind. Also add or subtract 1 club depending on whether the pin is in the back or the front of the green. You are already taking note of the distances you get, so as long as you are consistent, just trust those distances and chalk it up to having better clubs.

Joe,
My problem is too many fat shots !!!
When I make a practice swing without a ball, it is perfect, I "shave" the grass but with the ball, I hit the ground behind the ball. Any drill besides a practice swing would be appreciated. thanks, Arik

Arik:
Your practice swing is good because you never hit a bad shot with it. You are swinging, not hitting. As soon as you try to hit, everything changes. Just execute a swing where the ball just happens to be in the way of the swing. Other things to watch for are the backswing making the body sway sideways rather than turning, or the downswing trying to scoop the ball up into the air rather than hitting down at the ball and letting the club do the lifting. Shaving the grass is not good enough, you must strike the ball first and then the ground with a downward blow. Some people are afraid this will cause thin shots, but even if that happens, a thin shot usually produces better results than a fat shot, and scores will improve if your bad shots become better bad shots.

Joe, could you help with this one?. Most times I videotape all the USPGA Tournaments to watch later. Lately, when the angle is right, I play the tee shots back frame by frame, and without exception, by the time the clubhead strikes the
ball, the players' hips are well through and just about facing the target. This is obviously the correct position to be in when striking the ball. Can you please explain what the sequence is in the downswing to get to this position. It seems extremely hard, from the top of a full backswing, to start the hips turning before anything else. Likewise, starting the downswing with hands arms and shoulders makes it difficult to get the hips through to the extent they should be. Hopefully, there must be an easy way.
Thanks a million. Ralph

Ralph,
When you properly shift your lower body weight from back foot to front foot, this turning motion happens almost automatically. It is unrealistic to try to think of every single motion during a swing, just focus on one move for the backswing, and one move for the downswing. It is OK to have a list of "keys" to pick from, just try them one at a time until they get ingrained into your motor muscle memory.
Joe

Hi Joe. I am a 30ish, female beginner student-five feet tall, very fit, strong, and very flexible. My only drawback is that I have a hurt left knee that forces me to point my left toe forward in order to complete a full follow-through like the 60-year old men around here do. I've been taking lessons for two summers now. Last week I was hitting with each of my clubs and
noticed that my full swing distance was exactly the same for my driver as for my 9-iron and everything in between. I reported this to my teacher and he smiled and nodded knowingly. He said that almost all women he's come across have had the same complaint. He said that I need to hit with more focus and intent. I'm wondering, if all my shots look exactly alike regardless of the club, why do I need more than one? Anyway, I've scoured all those insulting golf books for women that talk down to us like we're lost and helpless five-year-olds and found nothing on the universality of this problem amongst my gender. Does any of this sound familiar to you? Using the same swing with each club, shouldn't I be getting more distance out of my longer clubs?
Thank you in advance.
Tracy

Tracy:
Since you have already been taking lessons, I have to assume you can strike the ball with some consistency. Anyone who gets the same distance with all clubs must have a swing speed that needs improvement. Most people who have this problem, regardless of age or gender, are usually using too much arms and not enough wrist. Watch the slow motion replays of the pros' swings on TV, and you will notice how the wrist on the downswing is delayed until the last possible instant before striking the ball, and then it explodes into the ball. Here is a drill that should help build up some strength in your wrists. Take an ordinary hammer and pound some nails into a board, making your stroke in the same direction as your golf swing. In other words, stand the board up vertically and pound the nail in horizontally. The more you do this, the stronger your wrists will get. Gene Sarazen attributes his golfing ability to the wrist strength he developed during his carpentry jobs.

Joe,
I recently bought a different spec of the same driver that I used before, hoping to get more distance with stiffer shaft and lower loft.
Here is what I have noticed in the last 3 weeks at the practice tee.
*The club seems heavier and harder to bring around.
*It seems more difficult to make the transition for the down swing
being on the right path.
*My balance is more off and less stable on the down swing
*I have had to move to a slightly stronger grip to stay on line, which of course makes the swing inconsistent because occasionally I get this hook.
*I do not believe that I am trying to swing harder, trying to keep it at the same tempo and force.
Is the shaft making that much of an impact to my swing?
What do you suggest me to experiment with when I go practice again?
I would appreciate your comments, for now, the club will not go to the course until I figure this out.
David H

Hello David,
Do you still have the older driver, or did you trade it in? If you still have it, compare results the next time you go to the range. Assuming you are swinging OK with your irons, it would be nice if you did not have to tweak your swing just for a driver. So if the older driver goes more consistently to the target, the extra yards that you may sometimes get with the new driver may not be worth it. Let me know if you have similar problems with 3-wood, 5-wood, etc.
Joe

Hi Joe,
I went to the range this weekend and did a small experiment.
I hit both the old and new drivers and compared the results. In essence, my swing with the 3 wood (from the ground and tee) is acceptable. The old driver, for some reason, I am hitting farther than I did before. Not dramatically, but enough to notice. I am also hitting it with more consistent results and ball flight than before. The new driver with the same swing as the old driver, is tough. I am truly not sure why the results are much less consistent. Obviously, the shaft is stiffer, so it feels a little heavier, but that is truly about it. The flight of the ball is unpredictable so I cannot even give you a general trend, other than inconsistent.
Anyways, for the time being, I will go back to the old driver and use it on the course and not use the new one. I agree with you that changing my swing for just one club is ridiculous. Oh well, live and learn.

Hi David,
Apparently there really is such a thing as a shaft that is too stiff. I used to think that stiffer shafts were always preferable because they theoretically would reduce an unwanted variable, that being the flex translating to variations in clubface positions. But now the shaft technology has introduced the low-torque concept which helps keep the clubface square while the shaft is flexing but not twisting. This allows us to take advantage of the shaft's spring-effect without sacrificing accuracy. So now it is less dangerous to optimize your swing speed by experimenting with different amounts of shaft flex. How in the world did
those old time golfers ever shoot par with wooden shafts? It gives you a sense of how good those guys really were. No fancy technology, no matched sets of clubs, just a stick with a hunk of metal on the end, playing on scruffy fairways and greens. Wow.

What is the best way to get out of deep rough?

The safest play is to use a sand wedge to get back onto the fairway, ideally to a distance that is a full wedge from the green (half-wedges can be tricky). If the rough is not too deep, and you feel like gambling for more distance, you can try a lofted wood like a 7-wood or a 9-wood (a 3-wood or 5-wood might not have enough loft if the grass is too high) but understand what a gamble you may be taking. For an intermediate distance, you can try a 7 or 8-iron, but there is danger that the tall grass will snag the shaft and cause the face to close, resulting in a pulled shot. To help avoid that, open the face and swing outside-in, with any luck the club will slide thru the grass without getting snagged. At no time should you expect to hit a long iron in heavy rough.

If cavity-back irons have larger sweet spots, why would anyone ever want to use blade or muscle back irons?

I have a set of blades and a set of cavity backs. From my own experience, I have found that when I am swinging well and contacting the sweet spot every time with blade irons, I get a much more crisp feeling in the shot, it is a really good feeling. Also, the smaller head of the blade iron seems to do a better job of getting the ball out from bad lies, from the rough, and also from fairway sand bunkers when you have to pick the ball cleanly out of the sand. Sometimes, like any other golfer, I get into a slump and cannot consistently strike the ball on the sweet spot. When this happens, I take both sets to the range to get my confidence back, and have a contest between my blades and cavity-backs. When I am swinging well, the blades win. When I am not swinging as well, the cavity-backs win. I am not recommending to keep switching sets of clubs on the course, that would not promote consistency, I only do that on the range to help get my confidence back whenever a slump occurs.

If cavity-back irons have larger sweet spots, why would anyone ever want to use blade or muscle back irons?

From my own experience, I have found that when I am swinging well and contacting the sweet spot every time with blade irons, I get a much more crisp feeling in the shot, it is a really good feeling. Also, the smaller head of a blade iron seems to get the ball out of the rough more easily, and also for fairway sand bunkers when you have to pick the ball cleanly out of the sand. Sometimes, like any other golfer, I get into a slump and cannot consistently strike the ball on the sweet spot. Since I keep a set of cavity-back irons in my shed, I can take them to the range to get my confidence back, and have a contest between my blades and cavity-backs. When I am swinging well, the blades win. When I am not swinging as well, the cavity-backs win. I am not recommending to keep switching clubs on the course, that would not promote consistency, I only do that on the range to get my confidence back whenever a slump occurs. (see www.geocities.com/golfwithjoey)

How are Course Ratings and Slope Ratings made?
A course rating is simply the average score that scratch golfers would likely shoot on that course. Slope ratings, however, are a lot more complicated. The USGA has a formula that factors in all kinds of variables such as distance, flat or hilly land, doglegs, forced layups, elevation changes, altitude if over 2000 feet, prevailing wind, fairway widths, sizes, shapes, contours and firmness of greens, amount of rough near landing areas, water hazards, bunkers, out of bounds, trees, and psychological factors due to visible dangers. The higher the slope number, the more difficult the course.

Joey, I`m a 6-7 handicap, but i want to add distance with the driver,so as to shorten my approach shots. i`m using a cobra,350,with a stiff shaft. i`m usually fairly accurate, but only get it out there 250-260.can you give me some ideas on getting more power?
Answer - If you can consistently and accurately drive 250-260 yards, that is pretty darn good. The craving for more power will always be there, but if you want to lower your handicap you may be looking in the wrong area. I would suggest you keep statistics on how many greens you hit in regulation, and how many times you fail to get up and down, and work on those areas first. That being said, take your Cobra to a store where they have a computerized hitting bay, and compare results against other brands of demo drivers with different lofts, shaft lengths and flexes. A longer shaft theoretically can give more distance, but the extra length could make it more difficult to hit the sweet spot every time, which is most important. Also, even if you can hit it longer, do not sacrifice accuracy or consistent ball striking for the occasional home run. Don't trade in the Cobra, you may want to come back to it if the others cannot perform as accurately and consistently on the course. 250-260 consistently may be in the 99th percentile of all golfers. Lots of people can hit it that far, but not consistently or accurately.

How can clubhead speed be increased?
Let's assume you are right handed. Hold a ping pong ball in your left hand, and a paddle in your right hand. First, swing at the ball with all arm action with no wrist action and see how far the ball goes. Secondly, do the same thing with all wrist action and no arm action. Thirdly, do the same thing with a combination of arm and wrist action, and you will notice that the ball goes farthest when the wrist action is delayed until the last possible moment. This whip action, whether it is a ping pong paddle or a golf club, will provide the highest possible striking speed. (www.geocities.com/golfwithjoey)

How can I correct my swing path from naturally going outside-in?
Many golfers are trying to swing squarely down the target line, not realizing that their bodies are turning at the same time. So by the time the club reaches the ball, this turning motion changes the swing path from square to outside-in without the golfer even realizing it. What I would recommend is doing the two club warmup drill slow and easy like a baseball player in the on-deck circle. While you are doing this repetitive drill, you should be able to stare at a spot on the ground where the club passes over, and see the real path of the club AS IT PASSES OVER THAT SPOT, and make corrections to that path. Here is how to make those corrections:

Instead of trying to swing down the target line, try to make your downswing inside out. If the target line is twelve o'clock, make your swing path toward one o'clock because your body's turning motion will change your path to twelve o'clock without you realizing it. Also extend your follow thru to one o'clock and exaggerate that. If you quit the follow thru too soon, you are promoting an outside-in motion.

Be careful not to take your backswing to the inside because that might cause a loop to the outside on the downswing. Take the backswing straight back and high like Sergio Garcia, and then watch how Sergio attacks the ball from the inside. (see www.geocities.com/golfwithjoey)

How important is it to be able to get backspin?
It is never as important to get shots to spin back as it is to get clean contact on every shot. Even pros cannot make backspin work when the greens get "firm", and they get to play on the best greens while the rest of us have to play on public courses that have greens that are about as firm as a parking lot. So unless you are a single digit handicapper, forget the spin and just keep striking the ball better and avoid tips that cause fat or thin shots. If you are a single digit handicap, and you do want to get more spin, clean your iron grooves before every shot with a small wire brush, play the ball a little further back in your stance and hit down at it.

Should beginners buy new clubs?

Some people think buying expensive clubs will guarantee better scores. If you have a lot of money, go ahead, but if you are a beginner or high handicapper, you might first buy a few less expensive clubs, and when you find some that you hit really well, then have the specs measured and use those specs when you are ready to buy newer clubs. When you do, have them custom fitted to your physique. Everybody is built differently, so your clubs should at least be the right length, shaft flex, and lie angle for you, in order to do your best.

For those who would rather not bother getting fitted and would rather save as much money as possible, you can consider getting used clubs from classified ads, garage sales, or stores that sell used sporting equipment. To minimize your risk, ask if you would be allowed to try the clubs at a driving range and possibly get your money back if you do not like the way you hit with them.

What kind of clubs should you look for? Let me tell you about one of my earlier experiences. I bought a very inexpensive set of used clubs which happened to have shafts with too much flex. I found that whenever I swung too hard, the ball would slice to the right, and when I swung too easy, the ball would hook to the left. Afterwards I bought a set of clubs having stiffer shafts, and I immediately began to hit the ball straighter and farther (I still had a fade, but it was consistent, predictable, and dependable). Of course, this result could be due to my individual physique, but it seems to make sense that a stiffer shaft would remove an unwanted variable. Too much flex could cause the clubhead to vary its position at impact. Even if some extra flex could give you extra distance, I would rather be a few yards shorter and in the fairway, as opposed to being a few yards longer and in the rough (or trees, or sand, or water, or out of bounds, etc.).

Oversized clubheads are a good idea for beginners or higher handicappers because the larger hitting surface reduces the risk of a mis-hit shot. Irons that have cavity-backs are also a good idea because the perimeter weighting enlarges the “sweet spot”, which means you do not have to hit the ball perfectly every time to get consistently predictable distances with your irons, so you are likely to hit more greens. Without this technology you might sometimes hit a good shot with the right club, but the ball ends up too long or too short, because you either hit it squarely on the smaller sweet spot, or somewhere other than the sweet spot. Most courses have distances to the green clearly marked, and you need to find (and trust) your individual distance for each of your irons.

Many people overlook the “lie angle” of clubs, which is the angle of the shaft relative to the bottom of the club. I believe most standard lie angles are too flat, resulting in most golfers hitting the ball to the right. If this is your natural tendency, try clubs with a steeper lie angle, as this would promote shots going a little more to the left. You may also be able to see scrape marks on the bottom of your clubs. Are they mostly toward the toe or the heel? If they are toward the toe, you need clubs with a steeper lie angle. Another indication of this can be seen if your divots are deeper toward the toe end.

Which are better, higher drives or lower drives?
Drivers come with varying degrees of loft and shaft stiffness. A stiffer shaft lends itself to lower shot trajectory.
For overall distance, in dry conditions the lower shot with extra roll will win out, in wet conditions the extra carry from a higher shot will win out. Into the wind the lower trajectory will win out. In my opinion, I would stay with the one that is most accurate for you. If they are equally accurate, keep them both and use them according to the day's conditions, windy or wet, etc.
The theory about lower loft being less accurate only applies if all other factors are equal, namely being able to strike the ball cleanly. Since underspin cancels out sidespin to some degree, the theory is correct that a lower loft has the potential to be less accurate, but if you as an individual are hitting it straight then other favorable factors are at play to your advantage (shaft flex, lie angle, etc.).
Some people keep two drivers, one for windy dry days when you want to keep the ball low, and the other driver for wet days when a higher shot gives more carry since you won’t get much roll on wet days.
(see www.geocities.com/golfwithjoey)

Do All Tips Apply to Everyone, Regardless of Handicap?

It is widely known that the vast majority of golfers cannot break 100. However, most instructions that you might see on TV or read in magazines do not always tell you whether certain tips are most appropriate for low handicappers or high handicappers (example: taking a full turn and swinging hard may not be good advice for a high handicapper). If the instructions are giving you more and more things to think about while you are swinging, then they must be aimed at low handicappers , since they must be assuming you already can make clean contact on every shot, and you play several times per week. For high handicappers, or people who play less frequently, I feel we must be careful to keep the game simple. It makes no sense to overly complicate the swing for them. Clean contact on every shot is of paramount importance.

We are not robots. We all have different amounts of hand-eye coordination skills and athleticism. No two people are built the same. Everyone has some differences in bone and muscle structure, and the way our natural hinges work (wrists, elbows, shoulders, hips, knees, etc.). Although it makes sense to try to imitate the way the pros swing to some degree, you can’t expect a high handicapper to execute every single move like the pros can. Pros play every day and have personal swing coaches, and the best customized equipment. People who play less frequently and have average equipment, average physical skills, and cannot afford lessons must tailor their expectations accordingly.

It is OK to have a long list of swing keys, but it is hard to think of more than one or two at a time during your swing. Therefore, just pick from your list one key for the backswing and one for the downswing. There may be a certain combination of keys that seem to work better one day and a different combination on another day. Why is that? Because your swing is controlled by many different muscles of differing sizes and shapes, all of which are getting bigger or smaller, stronger or weaker in different combinations every day, so without you realizing it, your swing does change. This is true for all sports, not just golf. Nobody ever maintains a perfect swing for very long. Be prepared to adjust, and minimize the slumps which happen to everyone. (see www.geocities.com/golfwithjoey)

Frugal Golf

Golf is getting more and more expensive, and because of that, some folks refuse to try it. Here are some ways for beginners to minimize their expenses.

You can get golf balls free, just stomp around in the taller rough, and chances are good that you will find them by stepping on them. Also you can borrow someone’s ball retriever and fish them out of water hazards.

Clubs can be very very inexpensive at most garage sales, where people just want to get rid of them. For example, since my wife loves going to garage sales, I tag along with no intentions of finding anything, but I always see clubs, balls, and bags for sale for dirt cheap prices. Recently I saw a full set of older Titleist woods and irons, complete with bag for $30, and although I did not need them, I offered $15 and they took it. I figure this could be a better than average starter set for a friend, or I can probably resell them for at least $100.

Practice could be mostly free, since most of your strokes come from the short game, and most courses have a free practice green, some of which allow chipping also. For pitches, you can practice at most open fields, baseball fields, or local parks, although some parks may not allow this. You can even take full swings at the park with wiffle balls.

When beginners are ready to play a real course, start with a par 3 course, they are usually inexpensive. Check for resident discounts at your local courses. Check for coupon deals on the internet and the newspapers, sometimes you can get 2 for 1 greens fees. Also, playing on weekdays is cheaper than weekends, and twilight rates are even lower. (see www.geocities.com/golfwithjoey)

Do Balanced Golf Balls Really Help?

In theory, a balanced ball will go straighter on all shots and putts than an unbalanced ball. To illustrate, take a cheap volleyball and roll it, and you will see that the ball will curve toward the side that has the air-fill hole due to the extra weight needed to support the hole. Golf balls however are much better balanced than volleyballs, yet most golf balls are not perfectly balanced. To prove this, partially fill a small bucket with water and keep adding salt until the golf balls float. Use a waterproof permanent ink marking pen to put a spot on the golf ball where it touches the surface. Then spin the ball in the water and see if the same spot arrives at the top. If it does, then the ball is not balanced because the heaviest side of the ball will always face down. I tried this with all of the balls in my bag and none of them were balanced, several different brands.

On the course, now that the ball is marked, the theory says that you keep the mark along the plane of the target line, and the ball should go straighter than if the mark were sideways to the target line.

If you do not like getting the balls all wet, there is another method using a small battery operated ball spinning device called “Check-Go”, available at many golf shops for under $30. If there is a heavy spot while the ball is spinning, that spot will work its way to the equator of the spin if you let it spin for several seconds. While it is spinning, you can lightly touch the ball with a permanent ink marking pen, and you will have the equator clearly marked to line up your ball for all shots and putts. This also is a good identifier for your ball on the course, because most other players do not do this.

Wilson has advertised their “True” ball as being perfectly balanced, so to test that, I put a few Trues on the Check-Go device and marked the equator, and then spun it again with the equator out of line, and it worked its way back to the same equator, which indicates to me that it is not really “perfectly” balanced. Hmmm! Well, in all fairness to Wilson, the balls may be better balanced, but nothing is perfect. Could the extra ink along the equator make that much difference? No, because I then put a fatter false equator on the same ball, but the ball spun back again to the true equator.

Then I wondered if the balance characteristics might change after hitting the ball for a few rounds. The results were, for all brands, that the equator arrived at the same spot again, so hitting the ball did not change its balance.

Any ball marked with the Check-Go equator, should float in salt water with the equator mark straight up and down. If that does not happen, maybe the ball is closer to being perfectly balanced.

Have my scores improved since I began marking the golf balls? Am I hitting the ball straighter? Are my wild shots any less wild than they used to be? Unless you swing with a consistency like Iron Byron, how can you really tell? Am I making more putts? Are my missed putts due to a bad read, or a bad stroke, or an inconsistent putting surface? Any or all of those factors are likely to be more significant than the precise balance of a ball.

We humans are imperfect beings. All we can do is to use as many factors to our advantage as possible. Therefore, here is the real benefit. Marking and lining up the balls to the target line not only helps your alignment while standing over the ball, but also lets you feel a little more confident, because you just eliminated a potential balance variable, however small it may be. (see www.geocities.com/golfwithjoey)

Hitters vs. Swingers – which are better?
In both baseball and golf we have hitters and swingers, but in baseball you do not have to play your foul balls, unlike golf where you have to play all those shots no matter where they go. Hitters are more likely to swing hard and contact the ball at all different areas of the bat such as the handle, the tip, and occasionally the sweet spot. Swingers usually hit for a better percentage because they can contact the ball more frequently on the sweet spot of the bat. The same ideas holds true for golf. The better players are swingers, not hitters, and for the same reason. Most golfers think of hitting the ball instead of executing a smooth swing with the ball just happening to be in the way. Usually, you can’t help being a hitter because you have the hitting concept ingrained into your subconscious. If you have reached a “plateau” in your scores, and you want to improve beyond that, you have to re-train your mind for swinging rather than hitting.

File your “hitting” swing away into your memory as your “Swing A”. This is the swing you have always been used to, and you can always go back to it if the following “Swing B” does not work for you right away. Meanwhile, keep working on Swing B, because the more you do the drill, the better it will work. On the practice range, always warm up with muscle stretches, and then take two clubs into your hands (or a heavily weighted club), and make some short lazy swings continuously just like a baseball player might do in the on-deck circle. Have a friend stand behind you to make sure your swings are on the correct plane or path. As you keep swinging continuously, little by little, lengthen the amount of backswing and follow-thru. Take it easy, never ever swing hard when you do this, the whole idea is to ingrain some motor muscle memory into your swing path, and the extra weighting will help.

As you are swinging, take notice of your lower body weight shift. During your follow-thru, all your weight must be on the front foot (left foot for right handers), and the back foot should only be touching the ground with the toe. Keeping repeating this until it becomes second nature and you don’t have to think about it anymore. Then do this on a practice mat that has a rubber tee that stays in place, and try to clip it repeatedly with your two-club swing.

After doing this as long as you can stand it, do the same with only one club, a short iron or wedge. If you are successful in clipping the tee every time, then place a ball on the tee and execute the same easy swing. Remember, you are not thinking about hitting the ball, you are thinking about executing a swing with the ball just happening to be in the way.

If you can do this, you are on your way to much improvement. If you cannot do this quite yet, you are probably so preoccupied with the RESULT of your swing that you’re forgetting how to achieve it. You are probably very anxious and tense to see if you will get instant results. You build this picture of worry in your mind about where the ball might go and this worry will interfere with your swing. This is no time for tension. You’ve forgotten why you’re here. You’re playing, not working. You’re here to have a good time and get away from the troubles of everyday life, so unless you are playing for money, don’t sweat it. Let someone else watch where the ball goes, while you follow the “no peeking” rule, which is the secret of this swing. This is a drill, do not watch the ball fly. Keep your eyes on the spot where the ball was sitting even after you your swing goes past it. Watch the pros on TV and in the magazines, you’ll see that at impact, every one of their faces is glued to where the ball is sitting at impact, and a little beyond! Start training yourself to count a beat before lifting your head up to watch the ball fly.

Practice these smooth swings in your MIND whenever you have a chance. Just visualize perfect, smooth, effortless swings along with the ball flying straight and true time-and-again. It’s a scientifically proven fact that this type of mental programming can really help. (see www.geocities.com/golfwithjoey)

Aaaarrrgh!!! Those of us who live in northern Illinois really have to watch our step. Canadian geese must have gotten the word that they are a protected species, because they have infested our parks and golf courses in droves, and are leaving their “calling cards” in copious amounts, especially near the water holes. There is nowhere to walk without getting this stuff all over your shoes and cart wheels. Taking your kids to the park to roll around in the grass is out of the question. Playing the ball as it lies is sometimes a messy proposition, and gives a whole new meaning to having a crappy lie.

These geese seem to have no fear. They slowly strut around like they own the place. Golf balls that narrowly miss them by a few inches do not bother them. You can drive your car right next to one of these geese standing on the road, missing it by a few inches and they won’t even flinch. Don’t go near their young ones, or else they will hiss at you and then attack you.

One of my friends hit an errant shot that accidentally struck a goose in the neck. The goose was in obvious pain, so it started running across the fairway with wings outstretched toward the water, and the entire flock of about 200 geese immediately ran along with it, an amazing sight.

I have heard that geese are afraid of swans, so some places have put swans in their ponds, hoping that this would keep the geese away. However, I have seen several ponds with a swan in the middle, along with flocks of geese on the shores. I would rather have the geese in the ponds than on the shores leaving their calling cards. The swan, who is no dummy, probably figures the odds are not too good on starting a fight with that many geese.

Some courses have hired dogs trained to chase away the geese, with some success, but I have another solution. Send these geese to the middle east for purposes of aerial bombardment and biological warfare, where they can poop all over Al Qaida, who then can either beg for mercy or wise up and realize they can feed their poor and hungry people with these geese. (see www.geocities.com/golfwithjoey)